One spring we decided to take a trip to the DPRK
because we heard the country was lively and gay.
We went for the women because they are loose,
but figured we’d stay for the cooked dog and goose.
We flew to Pyongyang by way of Beijing,
and had to leave behind most everything.
We bribed a guy at the Chinese consul.
For commie ass our dicks did drool.
Upon arrival there was no bright sun.
No girls in bikinis for us to hunt.
Good for us we weren’t upset.
Gook ass did await us yet.
A group of guards took us to a hotel.
No one else was there, but the digs were swell.
We tasted the food which tasted like crap,
but gave it a chance because of where we were at.
We sampled the dog and mulled over the cat,
and even tried the beer (it was a little flat).
We toured the city and went to a ship
that had been captured during a spy stint.
We went to a place called the DMZ,
and laughed at the people whom we could see.
We sang Karaoke with some ladies one night,
but getting in their pants became a big plight.
They weren’t allowed to drink with us,
and when we made our moves they put up a fuss.
We went back to our room with our drunk guards,
as they laughed at us for being such tards.
We came to the next morning and went for a drive
to a tea shop in the mountains that was kind of a dive.
The fortunate thing was that the tea girl was hot,
and in a matter of minutes we all hit it off.
We drank her tea, and chatted a bit,
I even tried to plead for a kiss.
But schedules they had (so we had to follow),
and she had no phone for us to caller her tomorrow.
We bid adieu and continued on
thinking that something was dreadfully wrong.
Where were all the girls? The beautiful ones?
Most we had seen reminded me of nuns.
The brochure had promised a wonderful time,
but we were forced to stay in state controlled lines.
On our last night we went to a show.
Would any of us get laid, or even a blow?
The show was amazing, and there were thousands of girls
Some of them with straight hair, some of them had curls.
We sat and we watched amazed at the sight,
thinking that this would be a wonderful night.
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye
came into sight a funny little guy.
He was quite round and wore a simple grey suit.
He had funny hair, puffy lips, and glasses to boot.
He walked straight to us, and without hesitation said,
“Which one of these girls would you like to take to bed?”
We were dumbfounded, how could we choose.
There were so many we would have to do two’s.
The funny little man took us back to his house,
and we ate and drank and starred down a blouse.
We took girls back to our rooms by two and threes,
But woke up the next morning with bad cases of herpes.
The man he had screwed us, but we couldn’t complain.
The lovely girls of the north were worth all the pain.
We flew back to the states on that very day
What stories we had from the DPRK!
For the ladies of the North our hearts will ache
whenever we remember our communist spring break.
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